Picking up the pieces of your life, forgetting about your ex and moving on with your life isn’t easy, but it can totally be done. And you owe it to yourself to do just that.
When looking back on a relationship, we usually always carry out a post-mortem. And when our partner broke up with us despite us wanting to keep things going, it’s normal to view the relationship as a bit of a failure. And despite what some people might tell us about failure not being failure at all, there is something tragic about a failed relationship, no matter the circumstances.
After all, we get into relationships with high hopes that this could really go somewhere. And when it doesn’t, it’s inevitable that we feel sad about it. There isn’t really a positive emotion to feel.
Trying to forget about an ex you really liked or even loved is hard. I know from experience. I never thought that I would get over my first boyfriend. When he broke up with me, I felt lost and abandoned. I couldn’t focus at work, didn’t respond to texts from friends, and thought about him all the time. I texted him to see if there was any way we could work things out, and I cried a lot.
But I got over him, and I’ve got over subsequent boyfriends. And so have plenty of others who were in my situation and the one you’re in right now.
So while it’s undeniably difficult to forget an ex and move on, it is possible. Your new life awaits. New opportunities and new people. Let’s give you some tips.
Accept That It Happened But Try Not To Dwell On It
You know it happened. You can’t help but acknowledge it happened. But just as much as you shouldn’t try to fight your knowledge of what happened, you also shouldn’t dwell on it so that it’s all you think about.
Meditation means being aware of your thoughts, both positive and negative ones. But rather than interacting with them and reacting to them, you instead just accept that they are there. Watch them, observe them as they float through your mind. Just as they entered, so they will eventually leave.
Bad thoughts about what happened only ruin our lives when we struggle with them and do battle with them. It’s much better to just accept that something happened before letting its memory drift out of our lives.
Disable Social Media
Social media is a bit of a pain when you’re trying to move on with an ex. He’s on there and you can still see his face and comments pretty much every day.
What makes things worse is when you see photos of him clearly enjoying life without you. It’s like a stab to the heart.
Why not go easy on yourself by either disabling your profile until you’ve healed or delete him? Deleting him off Facebook might sound extreme, but if you’re struggling to get over him it isn’t extreme at all. You’re doing it for your own peace of mind.
We’re always told to never be clingy in a relationship because the guy doesn’t respect that. But equally, you also shouldn’t be clingy now that the relationship is over.
I know that it’s easy to text him in a bid to win him back.
“Perhaps if I ask him what I could change about myself, he’ll take me back,” you might think.
It’s no use. From experience, texting him in a bid to make him reconsider never works. It just makes you look desperate and clingy. He’s moved on, he’s let go. And, as hard as it is, it’s important that you do, too. Have some self-respect and don’t debase yourself in front of him. Realise how cool and valuable you are. Don’t text him.
Focus On The Bad Bits
When we’ve been broken up with, we tend to focus on the highlights reel of a relationship – we’re very good at replaying all the good stuff while missing out all the bad bits. That somehow gets left on the cutting room floor.
But relationships end for a reason, and there will be moments that you didn’t enjoy, as well as habits of his that annoyed you. Focus on these for a bit, rather than the idealised version of what you two had.
The number one worse thing you can do right now is sit indoors all day. It will make you feel lonely, and it will leave you to stew over your thoughts – bad thoughts.
What you need is some sunshine – and plenty of it.
Sunshine and fresh air makes us feel better when we’re stressed, and it also makes us feel good whenever we’re trying to get over a breakup. It takes us away from the things that remind us of him – our bedroom, the kitchen, the garden and so on.
Being outdoors is healthy and invigorating, and it will remind you that life is a beautiful thing, regardless of whether or not he is still here to share it all with you. There are limitless possibilities out there – go and explore them.
Don’t Ever Think “What If?”
If you want to beat yourself up about this particular breakup, go ahead and wonder “what if? …”
If, however, you really want to get over this guy as soon as possible and move on with your life, you must stay away from asking such questions. It might comfort you for a short time as you escape into fantasy world, but the reality will soon hit you that things turned out the way they did and there is no going back.
Yes, had you done things differently things may have worked out better. But you did the things you did because they felt right at the time. And if you were given a second chance, you would probably do them all again.
Life is a learning curve. If there were mistakes you made, you can learn from them. But don’t wonder what might have happened if only you had done this and not that.